Katie Kacvinsky  said, ‘But pain is like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There’s no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.’

The topic on surviving emotional scars can never be complete if we don’t discuss the causes and signs of the onset of emotional scars.


Emotional scars are emotionally traumatic experiences from one’s past that have not yet been dealt with in an appropriate way. It can also be as a result of wounds from recent experiences which could be traced back to childhood trauma, abuse, violence, bullying, death of a loved one, painful experiences in marriage etc.

Some of these scars are so traumatic that they could push their victim (s) to irreversible depression leading to attempted suicide and sometimes outright suicide. Ninety percent of people in their earthly existence have had to pass through one or several of these problems leaving them with internal (sometimes) physical scars. While some were lucky to be alive to tell their stories, some were not that lucky. Some also came down with irreversible mental disorders.


The causes of emotional scars are endless and numerous as the human population. But each of these scars is able to achieve one thing and that is; they leave their victim (s) so devastated, broken and wounded within and without. Since every human being is a distinct personality and because of the distinctive nature of each, one cannot say this or that are the causes that can lead to the onset of emotional scars. A woman loses a child after years of childlessness. Another woman with five children loses a child. The traumatic scars will be different for both women. While the first woman will have a deep emotional scar, the second woman may only have a short-lived grief. Violet abuse of a child can lead to a scar. Rape, most times, leads to emotional scarring. The intensity of it also depends on the person involved. 


The signs vary. Some of which are:

  • Withdrawal
  • Agitation
  • Disinterest
  • Aggression
  • Violence
  • Loss of self esteem
  • Irrational behavior
  • Personality charges


The way to recovery is long, but some of the points I will list below will go a long way to surviving emotional scars.

  • The God factor is the most important. Always open your eyes and heart in child-like trust to God and Him alone because He never abandons anyone in such distress. Draw strength from Him.
  • Be with people of like minds, who like you, understand the struggles you are going through.
  • Pay close attention to your inner mind.
  • Pick interest in things that will enliven your spirit, like looking for the hidden artist in you and create an artistic world of your being.
  • Confront your fear, pain and sadness by recreating a memory of yourself, thereby paving the way for joy and peace in your heart.

The cleansing process is never easy, but you must try to enable you deal with what you are experiencing. Unlike cuts on the skin that can be healed by the body through a period of time, because one can see it, emotional scars are much more difficult to heal. The complexity of healing emotionally needs a much more serious and deliberate approach. This deliberate approach also depends on the victim (s).

Learn to keep daily records of your reaction to the varied emotions as they play out within you. Do not overlook them because they will help for appraisal in the recovery process. Be around persons whom you draw strength from, at the same time avoid people whom you sense add to your agitation or whom you feel agitated once they are around you, especially in a case of molestation and abuses, when your abuser comes around.

Take control of who you are and not what the pain is making you to be. In moments of mounting emotions and relapse, take a few deep breaths by closing your eyes to ease up and unfold within you images of beautiful scenes. Make yourself the prince of that beautiful space you have created, place beautiful flowers of your choice and relax your mind. Create a walk on a beach, a cold drink of your choice, in the evening breeze. Pick beautiful musical pieces preferably classical music (this type of music is good food for your entire being) to soothe your soul. Keep tab of everything you are experiencing. It is the path that leads to your healing. Cry, cry and cry, but don’t let it consume you. Crying relieves you of so much that you carry inside.

Stay alive first for yourself (if you don’t stay alive how then do you intend to fight?), then for your children. The love of a mother for her children (child) is non-negotiable. Take for example the care of emotional scar from marriage, if you decide to die out of so much depression and worry, your husband will look for the next ‘bus stop’ to transact his business that is if the next ‘bus stop’ was not already standing by and waiting to replace you. Give yourself a value of importance by enriching yourself with the beauty of your surroundings. To be healed from emotional scars, is a process that doesn’t happen overnight.

In conclusion and using a quote I came up with, ‘Emotional scars can only kill or destroy you if you let it consume you to the very depth of despondency’ and with the quote of Vironika Tuguleva, ‘Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can. Allow, embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.’

Written by: Mrs. Beatrice Abang